Monday, March 23, 2009
"Ooo you make me live"
A few years ago, I confided in somebody close to me that I was lonely; I felt that while I was friendly with a great many people, I didn't have many friends. The lines between acquaintances, friends, family and romantic interests, for example, often blur, and it can be difficult to compartmentalize relationships cleanly. Thinking about what it takes to sustain friendships is an interesting exercise, and I'd be interested to hear some of your thoughts. My intention here is just to express a few disconnected thoughts on the matter.
An old friend with whom I spent a summer in Norway some years ago recently left a message on my Facebook wall about letters that we used to exchange, and suggested we ought to meet up. The whole thing made me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside. What makes it really fascinating is that aside from our month or so in Norway together, she and I have spent literally no time together. Yet this one experience was apparently enough for us to stay in touch and continue sharing experiences over distance and time.
The most challenging thing for me with friendships that are grounded in the past is the shortage of shared experiences-- there can occasionally be a tendency to reduce interactions to nostalgic retellings. Happily, I think I have many close friends from whom I've lived apart for 3 or more years. I often find myself chatting with or writing to one of these people, and I am abruptly and acutely struck by just how much I miss them, and how deeply his or her friendship has affected me.
Few things are as valuable in times of distress as a friend who knows you. A close friend, one whom you've given up trying to impress, one who knows your flaws and weaknesses, one who is willing to just listen is truly a blessing. I've never been somebody who particularly enjoys spending time by myself (being a middle child, I guess). I have a tendency as well, to be repetitive and self-indulgent when things are bothering me. Without the friends I have, unwitting and otherwise, I'd be some kind of mess.
I love my friends, old and new, near and far. Thanks for everything.
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nice read. seems especially relevant because i'm about to see jamal for the first time since his return from barcelona. i'm lucky to have a few friends that i can rejoin after an extended hiatus without hardly missing a beat in our old rhythm. we always reminisce but we're always looking forward at the same time.
ReplyDeleteHomeslice...I like how this blog wasnt about how 'artistic' you are...haha just kidding, but seriously...
ReplyDeleteSomething struck me as interesting when reading this and remebering Jon Stewart interview "the Boss" on his show last week, where Jon said that when he gets together with like old high school friends they always revert back to what they were like in high school...interesting concept...my friends are luckly not so compartmentalized to a 4 year period of time, but I definetly see that when i have more of like 1 group, either high school or college, or water polo it tends to pull that way...it especially gets interesting when you put these friends in a familiar setting to when you hung out with them; at the mall, on campus, at your eating club ext, to see how shit just falls back into place like no diggity..
Dude, I miss nkw. Seriously. You're the man, and living with you was in a lot of ways the best part of my Princeton experience. I often wish I could do it over.
ReplyDeleteYou make us soooooooooo proud. Lucky are those who has you as your friend.
ReplyDelete